I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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