Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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