end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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