i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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