just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the jesus of drinking
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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