I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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