He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
