chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
