i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
