Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
wow bdsm is so cute
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
