Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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