i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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