So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
