Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize