now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
