i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
