Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
