You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
