Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
