So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
either way he was missing a nipple.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
