Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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