If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
