Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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