I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
