The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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