Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
