the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
