Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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