I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
