so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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