why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize