she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
