my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
