Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
