you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
