Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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