I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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