I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
