Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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