i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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