whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can't motorboat a personality
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
