sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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