guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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