dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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