The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
