you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
