i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
