Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
