I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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