Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
