When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
