I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dick has a subreddit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize