Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
