I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
