My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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