he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
