the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
