so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
