Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
