I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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