apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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