And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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