He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
