I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
