Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
