Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Buhtt sex?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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