she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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