Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
