"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
