Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
