At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
