Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Randomize
