You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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