after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she looked like the before picture.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
