wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
