All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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