Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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