I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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